


"Please, just let me stay."💗

by heyidkyay



Series: Larry Stylinson Oneshots [23]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No One Direction, Angst, Childhood Friends, Famous Harry Styles, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Leaving Home, M/M, Non-Famous Louis Tomlinson, Singer Harry Styles, Sweet, lots of feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:00:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27454630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heyidkyay/pseuds/heyidkyay
Summary: After three years Louis finally receives a letter but can he face his past?
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Series: Larry Stylinson Oneshots [23]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1749181
Comments: 2
Kudos: 45





	"Please, just let me stay."💗

It was cold and wet. That he knew. Just another gloomy day in London, casted grey skies imprisoned the suns bright rays and bitter winds whistled through the minor gap in the farthest window of his tiny rented flat.

He sat, perched on his small leather sofa- the one his mum had gifted him when he had first moved to the city- an envelope casted away on the nearby coffee table, a letter cradled in his hands, fingertips toying with its edges as his glossy eyes gazed down at the array of words written in dark ink.

_Lou,_

_Not sure if I still get to call you that, but I guess old habits die hard. It felt strange to call you anything else- or anything remotely appropriate after all the time we've spent apart- you'll always be Lou to me though. Maybe not my Lou anymore, but Lou._

_Feels weird to write this. Haven't written in ages, last time I did was for the album- seems as though I haven't had much inspiration lately. I did want to text, call even, but I wasn't sure if you still had the same number, or if you had had eighteen different numbers between the one I have and the one you use now. I was too scared to check- to call, I mean. Too terrified that you'd have moved on, like deep down I knew you would have, onto bigger and better things, taking everything life threw at you in stride. So instead, I cowardly wrote this letter, hoping it would get to you somehow. This isn't even the first one, there's a pile sat by my feet. Always the perfectionist, as you would say. I just couldn't get this wrong, I wouldn't let myself, not again. Hopefully your mum still lives at the same address, otherwise you'll never get to see this._

_I know it's been a while. Since the last time I saw you. Since the day you watched me go. Feels like a lifetime ago now. So much has happened, so much has changed. I thought about you, I don't think you truly ever left my mind. You were always there in everything I did. There would always be a thought that would linger a little too long or a gentle reminder of what used to be- it's hard to escape you._

_I have a break coming up. An actual break where I can run away from everything here, be me again, be Harry, not the person everyone expects me to be. I'm coming home, Lou. And I hope that if you get this you'll want to see me as much as I want to see you, even if it's only the once. I just couldn't not ask, I would have regretted it for the rest of my life._

_I'm not sure where you are now, wondering if you're still living in our hometown, or even in the uk. But I pray that you can make the trip. For old times sake._

_I won't leave a number or an address, I don't want to pressure you too much because I understand that this letter might be pushing it. I just wanted to let you know that I'll be back home two weeks from today, the twenty eighth I suppose. Mums missed me and I couldn't think of any other place I'd rather be._

_The cafe, our little spot, that's where I'll wait. I'll be there all day. I know it's a big ask but I hope you'll be there too. If not, that's fine, maybe we'll cross paths one day soon._

_There's so much more I want to say but I feel as though it'll all be too much._

_I've missed you, Lou._   
_\- H._

Warm wet tears coated his cheeks as he came to an end and Louis quickly bundled up the sleeves of his oversized hoodie in his fists to wipe them away, slowly letting the letter fall to his lap.

It had been three years. Three years and no word. Not that he could blame it all on Harry, as much as he wished he would. It was just so sudden, his mum had unknowingly sent the letter alongside the rest of his post that somehow still ended up at the old address and his whole world had practically stopped when he'd opened it, he truly couldn't comprehend it all.

Harry wanted to see him. Wanted to meet up at the small cafe that sat on the edge of their hometown, the same cafe they had spent most of their younger years growing up in. Louis honestly wasn't sure if he could handle it. The boy was no longer a boy anymore he realised, just like him, he was a man now too, one he had only ever seen when hurrying past the magazine isle in the supermarket or heard when abruptly turning off the radio at the sound of the familiar voice. It was Harry, the same kid he had grown up with, the same lad he had pushed to follow his dreams, the same boy he had somehow fallen hopelessly for.

He had never had the chance to tell Harry how he had truly felt back then, before the boy had been swept up in all of the drama, the schedules, the fame. But it had been years since. Louis was sure that he didn't feel the same way anymore, questioned if what he had believed he had felt at nineteen had even been the truth. He had only been a teenager, so caught up in the shared kisses, the simple gestures, the sweet innocence of it all. What he and Harry had shared wasn't anything more than that, they'd never had a label, never even really spoke about what was going on between them, but at the time Louis had thought that Harry would be his forever. Forever, it seemed, wasn't that long.

Soft whimpers escaped him as silent tears cascaded down his face, their faint echos travelling out into the glow of the early evening. The teardrops caressed the skin of his rosy cheeks and trailed over his red bitten lips before falling from the sharp cut of his jaw and onto the letter where some of the words began to bleed.

He needed a moment to think it all over. To sleep. So that was what he did, he tried his best to forget everything that clouded his mind as he slowly turned on his side- too tired to even think about crawling to his bedroom- curling up into a ball as airy sobs shook his body.

—

It was exactly six days later. Six. When Louis found himself back in his mums arms, back in his childhood home. He hadn't mentioned the intention of his visit- _just a simple surprise! he'd declared_ \- as he had yet to truly make a decision, but he knew deep down what his answer would be. What it had always been. He was back in his hometown for gods sake, he had driven just over four hours to get there, he knew the true purpose of his little trip even if he couldn't admit it to himself just yet.

Home hadn't changed much. Not that he'd have even noticed if it had, always back and forth between London and his family, he just can't seem to stay away for long. Appeared as though not everyone felt the same way.

The cobbled streets still wound together, entangling in and out of houses, shops and little hideaways, leading you to wherever you needed to go. You could still hear the distant shrieks and chatter that echoed from beyond the school gates that sat on the edge of the town centre. Could even still smell the potent fragrance of the brightly coloured flowers and hot baked goods that clouded the air as you wandered past the market stools. It was home. Always would be.

As much as Louis loved being back, loved saying his hellos to the older lot that sat outside of the bingo centre, loved dropping by the shops to see his old school mates working hard, loved skirting by the small football stadium he used to sneak into when he were a kid, it was all overshadowed by his imminent destination.

Even though deep down he knew it was coming he still couldn't contain that wave of anxiety, of dread, that flooded through him upon seeing the familiar blue sign stood at the end of the street once he had rounded a corner. He paused when it caught his eye and he flashed his wrist to check the time. It had only just gone twelve and the cafe had been open since seven. Louis briefly wondered if that had been the time Harry had gotten there, then his mind flittered to the thought of, _was he even there at all?_

He didn't even notice that his feet had begun walking again- too preoccupied with his own thoughts- until he came toe to toe with the pastel sign, its edges tattered and faded from the British weather, but the lettering still as bold as ever. For a moment he allowed himself to reach out and trail a fingertip along the worn wood, letting it ground him, because god did he need it if he was planning on walking through that door. The same door that stood only three steps away, a pretty mint green colour that complimented the brick walls that had always been painted white.

Louis drew his bottom lip between his teeth and took a deep breath before stepping forward to press his weight against the wooden structure. It opened carefully and Louis found that he missed the little chime it had made all those years ago as he passed by its threshold. He figured it must have broken in the time he'd been gone, that or the owners had just gotten sick of the incessant jingle.

The cafe was seemingly busy, a lot more than usual, but it only made sense as most patrons were probably already on their lunch breaks. Louis allowed himself to gaze around the entrance, letting a small grin crawl onto his face as he noticed the same assorted tables and chairs still remained, the same coloured walls and even the same large counter he had spent many evenings laid across whilst he was supposed to have been working, choosing to piss about instead of helping out Ha-

Harry. It all came rushing back. Instantly his eyes scanned the room, trailing further into the cafe to see if the man had made good on his promise.

There were so many faces, laughing and talking amongst themselves, but Louis' breath only hitched when he caught sight of a head of curls, not at all similar to how he had last remembered them but there was no denying who they belonged to.

Louis swallowed thickly as he began his approach, taking note of everything little thing that had changed; the mans shoulders were broader and the light coloured shirt that stretched across them was rolled up at the sleeves to reveal a pattern of black ink; his once soft face had hardened into sharper features, sporting a strong jaw and defined cheekbones that were hidden slightly as the man gazed down at the straw he was toying with; and the way he was sat at _their table_ in the far back, with his knees pushed against the underneath and back slightly hunched, showed just how much he had grown in the years that had passed.

Louis truly couldn't believe he was stood there before him. Before Harry. The last time he had seen him had been the morning of his departure, when they had shared a goodbye at the airport with promises of seeing one another again- oh, how naive he had been. It had hurt, of course, the radio silence, but standing there, looking at the man he had once called his best friend, he didn't know how to feel. He could recall every memory they had shared, every inside joke they had told, even every kiss, it had been so long since then but looking at the man it brought it all back.

As he reached the table, he settled a hand on the back of a chair and immediately bright green eyes flew up to find his gentle blue. Louis could see the shock written across Harry's expression, and he wondered for a moment if the man had actually had any doubts on whether or not he would come.

"Hi." Louis spoke, gaze flittering down to the two toned tiles beneath him before falling back on the man. He shuffled anxiously on his feet as Harry openly gaped at him, but the movement must have broke him from his daze because he quickly made a move to stand.

"Hey." Harry breathed out, voice so much deeper than Louis had ever imagined, but still ever so soft.

Louis captured his bottom lip between his teeth as Harry unabashedly looked him up and down, towering over him now whereas before they had stood at a similar height. He found that he didn't seem to mind it, he had guessed that the lad would out grow him years ago, Harry had practically been all limbs as a kid but now it seemed as though time had been kind to him.

"Shall we?" Louis asked as he gestured towards the table, breaking the reverie.

Harry nodded and hurriedly pulled out the opposite chair for the blue eyed man, Louis kindly accepted, chest bubbling at the gesture. When the man took to his own seat, Louis found himself gazing around the familiar cafe in hopes to settle his reeling mind and beating heart.

"Didn't think you'd show."

Louis' head snapped back in the voice's direction, eyes wide as he took in the mans apprehensive appearance. He coughed quietly to clear his throat before throwing the curly headed man a bone and gifting him a small smile, "Thought you'd know me better than that."

Harry chuckled airily as his viridescent eyes flickered across Louis' face, "Maybe, but still, can't blame me for having doubts."

Louis only nodded, of course the man had had his doubts but Harry should have known that there was no possible way that he could have stayed away, he would have been there even if it had pained him.

A silence settled between them, it wasn't uncomfortable or awkward, just quiet, both of them listening to the early afternoon crowd that surrounded them as they took one another in.

"Well, isn't this a sight to see!" A warm voice called out and they both looked up to find a very old friend stood beside their table, hand on her hips as she dazzled them with a loving smile.

"Barb." Harry grinned brightly as he instantly took to his feet to engulf the older woman in a affable embrace. Louis had to look away, wondering if he had deserved a welcome like that.

"So lovely to see you!" Barbara sung lightly as she squeezed Harry tightly before letting him go, "And you too, Lou!" She added with a wholehearted smile that Louis could only return as he pulled himself up onto his feet to hug the lady.

"You too." Louis whispered over her shoulder as they swayed gently in their hold.

The greying woman cupped his cheeks in her soft palms when they parted and gave him an empathetic smile that Louis almost missed as she quickly took to speaking again. "You, Harry." She began, eyes narrowed as she pointed a stern finger at the man in question, "Have a lot of making up to do! Haven't heard a peep from you since you went off on your way to live amongst the stars- had to hear all about it from your mum!"

Louis chuckled at Harry's sheepish grin as he sat back in his seat, taking the time to admire the man whilst he was busy trying to defend his case. The deep dimples were still in place, the loss of baby fat hadn't changed those; his eyes were still as vibrant as ever, lighting up under the cafe lights as he spoke with the woman, an array of greens alongside hues of gold; and his lips, the perfect shade of pink- Louis had to rein back the need to trail a thumb across the bow.

"Now, what would you boys like?" Barbara questioned as she looked between them, pulling Louis from his muddle of thoughts.

"Um," Louis coughed gently before looking up at the older woman, who in return, gave him an impish smile, "I'll just have a tea, please. A spl-"

"A splash of milk, no sugar." Harry finished for him, grinning in satisfaction at Louis' surprise. " _Who has sugar in their tea? It's just not right!_ " The green eyed man teased in a playfully high tone, and Louis couldn't stop himself from laughing along with him even though the man was clearly mocking him.

Louis rolled his eyes as he turned back to face Barbara, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips, "What he said." He chuckled, "And a hot chocolate too, please- whipped cream and don't forget the flake."

Barbara shook her head at them in amusement, a knowing glint in her honey coloured eyes as she whirled away.

"You remembered." Harry stated once the woman was out of sight.

Louis laughed as he rolled his eyes once more, "'Course, how could I forget? You had me make you one after every shift." He paused, recalling the late evenings in the darker months of the year when they'd had to close up the shop after a days work. "And you can't be all that surprised popstar, you remembered mine too."

It was Harry's turn to roll his eyes at that, lowering his head to hide his growing grin, and just like that things fell back into place. It was as though nothing had changed.

They spoke of everything they had missed as they sipped slowly at their warm drinks, before letting the hustle and bustle of the cafe drag them out of the little shop after having said their goodbyes to a delighted Barbara. Their conversation took them around town where they skirted in and out of shops, laughing at one another and pointing at things that brought back memories. They bought bars of chocolates at the Olde Sweet Shop on Marvis Street, just like they had used to do on the walk back home from school, grinning at one another when the sweet treats got stuck in their teeth.

They ended up at the park by the end of it all, legs sprawled out before them as they sat on a nearby bench that overlooked the clear pond, a to go back of chips drenched in ketchup laid between them as they stared out at the setting sun.

"So, how was it?" Louis asked, focusing his gaze on the blur of colours above them.

"How was what?" Harry questioned and Louis felt him turn beside him but didn't make the move to join, he didn't think he'd be able to have this conversation whilst looking at the man. Too afraid that Harry would be able to read the emotion in his eyes.

"You know what, Mr Big Shot." Louis huffed out through a light laugh.

"Oh," Harry spoke, voice already sounding distant. The bench creaked and Louis couldn't stop himself from turning his head to find the man looking down at the portion of chips they shared, tearing the corner of the paper bag. "Up and down, I guess." He finally added, but Louis could still tell that he was unsure of his words.

"You guess?" Louis chuckled lightly, "God H, I thought you'd be telling me all about the parties you made it to, the award shows- the red carpets!"

Harry smiled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. "I mean, yeah it was fun but there was the good and the bad."

Louis hummed as his eyes roamed across the mans furrowed face, he let himself wonder if maybe, just maybe Harry hadn't had it all like he had once believed, maybe the man had truly missed being home, maybe, he had missed him too.

"What about you?" Harry queried, quick to jump at the opportunity of a change in topic after the stretched pause. "What have you been up to?"

Louis let his head fall slightly as he smiled, "Living in London now. Went to uni and got my degree like I said I would- just started working in a small primary school."

When he looked back up, Harry was beaming, eyes alight and brighter than they had been all day. "I knew you could do it," He praised, "always been too smart to stick around here."

Louis just laughed, shaking his head as he picked up a chip, "Thanks."

"You know what I mean!" Harry exclaimed as he bit the top off of the chip Louis held. "You were scared to leave, wouldn't even think about college until the week before applications closed!" He mumbled around the chip, hot breath escaping past his lips, clouding in the crisp air.

"I wasn't scared, I just forgot!" Louis argued, fighting off the urge to laugh as he finished off the other half of the chip.

"Ah, you're forgetting who knew you best. I could read you like an open book." Harry grinned, and Louis had to pause because he knew how true that was.

Harry had always been the one to know what he had been feeling, sometimes the lad had known long before he did. It saddened him to remember how close they had once been, two halves of a whole, they had done everything together from the moment they had met.

Louis let himself watch the man he had once called his everything, revelling in the golden glow of the sun that caught Harry's face, accentuating the soft smile settled on his lips, the sight was one to behold and Louis couldn't bring himself to look away. He realised then just how stupid he had been for thinking that what they had shared all those years ago had been a shortlived fling, he had loved Harry then, and after having spent the day together, reliving the life they had shared all those years ago, he understood that he still did.

"And now?" Louis asked breathlessly- deciding to continue on, even though his heart was hurting, when Harry turned to him with a confused expression, "Do you think you still know me?"

Harry's face softened and his gaze bored through Louis' blue, trying to find the right words to say, trying to find anything to say at all.

"I think- I think we've changed but even still, I could tell what you were thinking as we wandered through the market, what you felt when you first saw Barb, why you smiled when we passed the playground earlier." Harry's stare moved back and forth between his wide eyes, and Louis struggled to breath. "I knew that if my letter somehow got to you that you would have shown, and the only reason you wouldn't have would have been because you never got the chance to read it. I know that you cried after you saw it, or at least I think you did, because I cried whilst writing it. And, I know that you're scared. Scared that I'm not the same person anymore. Scared because we hurt each other. Scared because of how close we once were."

"Stop." Louis whispered out, the word so faint it got swept up in the wind. "You can't say things like that. Not anymore."

"But it's the truth, Lou." Harry shrugged as he shuffled closer, letting a hand rest on Louis' shoulder.

The blue eyed man jerked away and stood to his feet with glossy eyes, ready to run if he got the chance. Harry was quick to follow though, hand clasping around his wrist to keep him close.

"I wish I never left. I wish I'd have stayed."

Louis shook his head harshly, warm, wet tears burning as they pleaded their escape, "But you did leave, H. And I don't hate you for that, I could never-" He sucked in a large breath of air, letting his eyes slip close, "Things change and we're not the people we once were, it doesn't matter how we feel now. It just doesn't matter."

"How can you say that?" Harry questioned, his voice hard as hurt washed over his face, "I regretted leaving the moment I stepped on that plane! I thought about getting off, hurrying back through that airport to find you but the only thing that kept me routed to that chair was the fact that I didn't want to disappoint you! I didn't want to disappoint myself- if I'd have got off that plane and told you how I felt, how I'd always felt, and you didn't feel the same way, I don't know what I would have done. It was just easier to leave than to face you."

"You're so fucking stupid!" Louis cursed, wrenching his hand free from Harry's hold, "How oblivious could you have been? You were my everything! Whatever I did was based on you, I pushed you to go, Harry, to leave because I knew it was your dream to perform, to be up on stage, to give the world your music. I would have done anything to give that to you! And how was I supposed to know how you felt? You were the one who never wanted a label, you were the one who kissed me first, you were the one left me behind with a promise of keeping in touch." He knew he was crying but he couldn't stop, not when everything he had kept bottled up over the last few years was flooding out of him. "I loved you but I was sure that you could never feel the same way. So I let you go! I let you go thinking you'd come back soon enough and tell me all about the dreams that had come true, but that day never came."

"Why didn't you tell me!" Harry shouted, eyes rimmed red with tears, with hurt, as he stared back at Louis, waiting for an answer.

"Because I wouldn't have let you choose. Because deep down I feared that you would have left anyway. I did it for you."

"For me?" Harry laughed, face contorting into a grimace, "Lou, I would have given you the fucking world! The only reason I never spoke up was because of how certain I was that I didn't deserve you. Because I watched everyone around us question why you were with me! So don't tell me you let me walk away thinking I didn't love you, because everyone could see it."

Louis scoffed, casting his eyes down to hide the tears that were cascading down his face. "We can't change anything now." He whispered, voice surprisingly dulcet, "We can't reverse the past three years."

The wind whistled around them and the branches of the nearby trees shook under its ardent breeze, their heavy pants and short sniffles drowning out the rest of the world.

Harry stepped forward slowly, almost as if he was afraid Louis would run, he reached out a hand and cupped the shorter mans jaw, breath hitching at the sight of a tired blue. "I'm sorry I hurt you."

Louis whimpered as he strained his face, unsure on whether he should lean into the touch.

"We were both too young. Blinded by fear, by dreams. But- but now there's no need to pull away." Harry continued, swallowing down his pride as he gently thumbed away the blue eyed mans tears, "Lou, you haven't left my mind since the day we parted, every song I write is about you, about what we had, about what I wish we could share. There's been so many times where I've wanted to call, wanted to jump on a plane and just come home, but I was so afraid. When I wrote to you I wasn't sure what would come of it, but then I saw you, stood in our cafe, and everything I had felt, everything I had tried to push away, all came rushing back. It's always been you."

Louis didn't care how much it hurt. He couldn't stop himself from leaning in and pressing his lips to Harry's own, because he truly didn't know how he had survived so long without Harry in his life, without his best friend, the person who made him feel whole.

They parted and Louis let Harry's forehead lean against his own, noses brushing as their eyes met once more.

"Please, just let me stay."


End file.
